Knowing that I am loved

Life comes at you so fast. I can hardly believe I'm graduating. I'm thankful for all three and a half years of school here at Virginia Tech, but I'm also ready to move on. I will say that it has been hard to be in a major that I'm not sure that I'm going to use. I know that I am called to preach and that I will be heading to seminary in the next few months. My degree in Spanish
and my other degree in International Studies only mean something to me because I finished. I have finished these degrees and I'm on to greener pastures. Praise Jesus. I'm looking forward to study a subject that not only am I really interested in, but extremely passionate about. Seminary will be good for me.

It does look like I will be staying in state. Richmond will be a better place for me than Texas at this time and I think this is a wise decision. I am planning to take this next semester off and not be a student for a while. I'm planning to substitute teach and work at the YMCA. Fun times. I just need some time away from school and leadership in ministry. I'm looking forward to becoming a regular pew sitter for a little while. This semester has been an emotional whirlwind and I need to rest and recharge before I head off to seminary. Whichever seminary that is. That decision won't be made until I get settled into my new life and away from the stress of school. Right now I don't feel ready to choose a seminary. Too much change has happened.

I feel like life is one big stress management exercise. I feel like everyday is enough and stressful in and of itself. I just know that I can only handle each day as it comes. And as the old saying goes, this too shall pass. This time in my life is the inevitable glare into the real world, and I need to embrace it.

I will say that I have a heavy heart and something lingering in my thoughts. I've been wrestling with God and its been a wild ride. Right now I'm in a situation where I need to be able to understand that its ok for God, my emotions, my reasoning ability to all collide. I've never been this broken and bewildered before. But I'm also really close with God because I just need to hang on to him. I'm learning to trust him even more, and that its ok to ask for what I want. Sometimes it is the desires of my heart that do matter. I believe that God wired me a certain way for his purposes, and that includes the desires of my heart.

Time seems to be the best thing for me because it will show whether I have peace or not. I am looking forward to life slowing down and entering the real world. Sometimes it seems to be a scary prospect but I think this college journey has prepared me for it. I just need the strength to face everyday as it comes. And sometimes that is hard in and of itself.

The one thing I keep telling myself is this: that God still loves me. He hasn't abandoned me, left me, or thinks that I'm not worth listening to. My goal throughout all of this is to see what my faith is made of. I don't want to hide from God. I want to look him in the face and reach out and touch it. I am loved very much and I have to keep telling myself this.